Did you learn your lesson?

 I came across this poem twice and I would like to share it with you.  At one point in our lives we will be able to relate to this poem.

"There is a hole in my sidewalk"

by Portia Nelson

Chapter 1

I walk down the street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I fall in.

I am lost...I am helpless.

It isn't my fault.

It takes forever to find a way out

Chapter 2

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk

I pretend I don't see it.

I fall in again.

I can't believe I am in the same place.

But, it isn't my fault.

It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter 3

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I see it is there.

I still fall in...it's a habit.

My eyes are open.  I know where I am.  It is my fault.

I get out immediately.

Chapter 4

I walk down the same street

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I walk around it.

Chapter 5

I walk down another street.

 

We are all creatures of habits.  The moment we wake up we are on auto-pilot mode.  A lot of the things we do are repetitive in nature and we are no longer conscious of what we are doing.

When we are confronted with a problem, be it personal or professional, we see things based on our perspective.  We do not actually see the world as it is.  We see it based on who we are and that includes our filter from values, belief system, among others.

When a problem keeps happening and we are not changing our thinking process, the problem would recur.  Albert Einstein said it so well, “We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them."  More often than not we are not aware of our thinking patterns.  So how do we get out of our thinking rut, so to speak?  Is there a creative way to help us?

Here are some useful ways that you may want to consider:

1.     Discuss your pressing problem with a trusted friend.  One advantage of doing this is you will get a different perspective from a friend who is on the outside, looking in.

2.     Develop the habit of reflection at the end of each day.  Ask yourself what you did right and wrong.  From the experience, go further by thinking of what do you need to start doing?  What needs to be stopped?  What should be continued?  Write down your reflection in your journal.

3.     Use this question to lubricate your creative juices.  "What is a better way of addressing this issue or challenge?

If you have another technique or you want to share your experience, let me know.

What is your Ikigai?

 My best friend asked me, through SMS, what I am being busy about.  I told him that I am reviewing for my next training and I will be helping another trainer by giving feedback on how the training is conducted.

As I went on with my task, I got another SMS from him asking "don't you ever get bored at your job?"

In Japan the word  ikigai means your reason for getting out of bed. I remember seeing a commercial of Nescafe' using the concept of ikigai.  In that commercial the viewer is asked "what is your reason for getting out of bed?"

When looking at the concept of ikigai, it begs the question "what are you passionate about?"  In the book "How to Ikigai" by Tim Tamashiro, he posits four things to consider:

1.  Do what you love.

2.  Do what you're good at.

3.  Do what the world needs.

4.  Do what you can be rewarded for.

The first two questions will be related to one's interests, talents and skills. Tamashiro calls this half ikigai.  Full ikigai is connecting your interests, talents and skills to something bigger like how it will impact the world and eventually how you will be rewarded by it.

Finding your ikigai is soul-searching.  One needs to be alone in reflecting in reflecting on your purpose or mission.

It took me several months to write down my ikigai.  I love calling it My Personal Mission Statement.  Attending the workshop The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People  compelled me to examine my life and seriously consider what my purpose is.  I edited my draft a few times until it was recommended that I keep it to one sentence so I can easily memorize it.  Finally I cam up with "to facilitate the growth and development of people around me."  This is not limited to training employees but it will also encompass the growth of my friends and loved ones.

What is the difference between someone doing a sloppy job and an extraordinary job?  When people know their raison d' etre, the passion can be felt by anyone.  Because it flows from within it cannot be faked.  If you try to fake it, people will know even if you are a mile away.

Whatever is your job, do not let your job description define you. "You are not your job.  It is the person who makes the job," my previous boss used to remind us.

If you have not discovered your ikigai yet, ask yourself as your alarm clock sounds off, "What is my reason for getting up?  What is my purpose?"  Trust the process and it will come.  Or, like Steve Burns of Blue's Clues would do, he would sit on his Thinking Chair armed with his handy dandy notebook.

From TGIF to TGIE

 TGIF!  This is what I usually get on some instant messaging apps every Friday.  My usual response to my friends and colleagues is TGIE!  

When asked what TGIE is my reply is Thank God It's Everyday!

Why do we assign only a day to be happy and excited about in one week?  Should we not remain happy and excited all the days of the week?  This is something that we don't normally think about.  We simply accept the expression TGIF without putting effort to rethink or question it.

Did you know that we can make a conscious effort to decide our attitude as we wake up each day?  When I open my eyes each day, before I get up from bed, I tell myself "Today is a new day.  I woke up refreshed and renewed.  Today I will decide that I will be happy, no matter what and that today no one can ruin my day without my permission.  Today, I choose to make a difference."

We are creatures of habits.  We wake up and do things by default.  we are a product of conditioning or programming.  What we don;t realize is we can change the program because we are the programmer and not the program.  I think I heard this from The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey.

Ivan Pavlov, a Russian psychologist, introduced  the Classical Conditioning Theory.  In his experiment with dogs, Pavlov would ring a bell before feeding the dogs.  The dogs began to salivate in anticipation of the food.  After conditioning the dogs with the bell sound and the food, the dogs eventually would salivate when they hear the bell, with or without food provided.  It became a learned response based on stimuli.

Of course dogs, do not have awareness and imagination.  Human beings can rise above the program of responding right away to a stimulus because of our awareness and our ability to choose our response.  When there is a stimulus we can pause and choose how we will respond.

Let us say I said hi to someone on a busy street.  I did not get any reaction.  I can either respond in two ways.  One way is I will get hurt because I was snubbed.  The second way to respond could be, "he must not have heard me.  He is deep in thoughts."

When we become aware, we can choose our response.  Viktor Frankl, a Holocaust survivor, wrote in  Man's Search For Meaning, “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” 

What is the best way to respond?  When you respond on values or principles, then you can never go wrong.   Even if your decision is not going to be popular one can still have a restful sleep at night.

Proactive people choose their response.  They do not put the blame on others if they are not happy or were passed up for promotion.  One way of exercising your "proactivity" muscles is to anticipate situations that would trigger your hot button.  Think of responding based on your principles instead of being reactive.

Make a decision today and every day on how you will respond proactively.

Ethics, anyone?

In this time when moral decadence is rife, it is appropriate to talk about the issue on ethics.  Following this drift, I would recommend the book "The Power of Ethical Management" by Kenneth Blanchard and Norman Vincent Peale.

Lifted from the recommended book is an article "It's OK, Son, Everybody Does It" penned by Jack Griffin, which appeared in Chicago Sun Times:

When Johnny was 6 years old, he was with his father, when they were caught speeding.  HIs father handed the officer a twenty dollar bill with the driver's license.  "It's OK, son," his father said as they drove off.  "everybody does it."

When he was 8, he was present at a family council presided over by Uncle George, on the surest means to shave points off the income tax return.  "It's OK, kid," his uncle said.  "Everybody does it."

When he was 9, his mother took him to his first theater production.  The box office man could't find any seats until his mother discovered an extra $5 in her purse.  "It's OK, kid," she said, "Everybody does it."

When he was 12 , he broke his glasses on the way to school.  His Aunt Francine persuaded the insurance company that they had been stolen and they collected $75.  "It's OK, kid," she said.  "everybody does it."

When he was 15, he made right guard on the high school football team.  His coach showed him how to block and at the same time grab the opposing end by the shirt so teh official couldn't see it.  "It's OK, kid," the coach said.  "everybody does it."

When he was 16, he took his first summer job at the supermarket.  His assignment was to put the overripe strawberries in the bottom of the boxes and the good ones on top where they would show.  "It's OK, kid," the manager said.  "Everybody does it."

When he was 18, Johnny and a neighbor applied for a college scholarship.  Johnny was a marginal student.  His neighbor was in the upper 3 percent of his class, but he couldn't play right guard.  JOhnny got the scholarship.  "It's OK, son," his parents said.  "Everybody does it."

When he was 19, he was approached by an upperclassman who offered the test answers for $50.  "It's OK, kid" he said.  "everybody does it."

Johnny was caught and sent home in disgrace.  "How could you do this to your mother and me?" his father said.  "You never learned anything like this at home."  His aunt and uncle were also shocked.

If there's one thing the adult world can't stand, it's a kid who cheats.

How does one know that his or her decisions are ethically sound?  Ask yourself:

1. Is it fair?
2. Is it moral?
3. Is it legal?
4. If what I did is published and printed on the front page of the newspaper, how would I/family feel about it?

On customer service

I went to Dunkin’ Donuts to buy a cup of coffee. I asked the crew why there is a timer next to their coffee decanter. 

Crew: For our TA.
Me: What's TA?
Crew: Throw away (TA).
Rule #1 in Customer Service: Do not use jargon with your customers. 

The crew could have  said,  "we use a timer to check the holding time while ensuring that you only get the best quality of coffee." There was no attempt to proactively offer donuts by saying something like, “your coffee will be perfect with our donuts. ”

The supervisor is in her office and missed the opportunity to coach her direct report. It is important for leaders to observe their direct reports while working.  This will allow the supervisor or manager to praise or correct the crew.

Punishing a good behavior

One of my friends in the Book Club sent me a link from the National Post of Canada about a boy who defended a classmate who is being bullied at school. The title of the report is “No heroes allowed: Calgary student, 13, reprimanded for defending his classmate against a knife-wielding bully.” (http://news.nationalpost.com/2013/05/31/briar-maclean-reprimanded-for-stopping-a-knife-wielding-bully-at-school/)


The school principal summoned the student who stopped the bully and was told that the school does not condone heroics.

My jaw dropped from disbelief. A good behavior was just punished. How do you expect the right behavior to be replicated if it is being punished? This type of leadership incompetence is not limited to schools. – even corporate walls are not exempt from faulty decision and poor leadership.

Erroneous decisions will make or break your team. When you lead a team ask yourself “What good behaviors would I want to see in my department?” Make a conscious effort to write down the good behaviors you expect to see so you will be able to spot them easily as the behavior is manifested. Reinforce this good behavior by praising in public.

Catch your team members do the right things. Reward them on the spot if possible and explain how the behavior impacts the group.

When Looking is not Seeing

An illiterate father and his educated son went on camping.  After pitching the tent, they both went to sleep.  At the break of dawn, the father wakes up his son and asks “Look up to the sky.  What do you see?”

“I see millions of stars,” the son said.

“What does that tell you?” asked the father.

“Astronomically,” the son said with pride “it tells us that there are millions of planets.”

The father gave his son a smack and said “somebody stole our tent!”

Why did the son miss the obvious?  Can too much education blur the brain in looking for something beyond the ordinary?  In “Thinking Between The Lines”, K,R. Ravi cited several reasons why we miss the obvious, to wit:

• We think too much even when we do not know how to think
• We look but do not see
• Some of us are so full of ourselves that we have no time for other viewpoints, no time for even plain commonsense
• We are afraid to challenge our cherished opinions and beliefs
• We have ceased to look at the world through fresh eyes, with a sense of wonder

When confronted with an issue, do you have the proclivity to complicate matters with your theories and concepts which you have acquired from higher education or specialization?  If the answer is yes and you still get stuck, maybe you are missing the obvious.

Whether the concern is personal or work related, I always bring to mind what Albert Einstein said, “Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.”  If I am giving instruction to a custodian I hear “simplify, simplify, simplify” echo inside my head.  I make a conscious effort that if I can explain it to a kid and the kid understands me, then it is a clear instruction.

If I am proposing an idea, I use Edward De Bono’s “Six Thinking Hats” to make sure I look at the idea from different points of view.  Example: What is the advantage of the idea?  What’s the downside?  What information do I have?  What’s the opinion of others?  How can we make it better?  What’s the next step?

(This blogger is grateful to K.R. Ravi for the permission to cite from the book "Thinking Between The Lines." Mr. Ravi is South Asia's first Dr. Edward De Bono certified public trainer in Lateral Thinking.)