Did you learn your lesson?

 I came across this poem twice and I would like to share it with you.  At one point in our lives we will be able to relate to this poem.

"There is a hole in my sidewalk"

by Portia Nelson

Chapter 1

I walk down the street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I fall in.

I am lost...I am helpless.

It isn't my fault.

It takes forever to find a way out

Chapter 2

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk

I pretend I don't see it.

I fall in again.

I can't believe I am in the same place.

But, it isn't my fault.

It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter 3

I walk down the same street.

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I see it is there.

I still fall in...it's a habit.

My eyes are open.  I know where I am.  It is my fault.

I get out immediately.

Chapter 4

I walk down the same street

There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.

I walk around it.

Chapter 5

I walk down another street.

 

We are all creatures of habits.  The moment we wake up we are on auto-pilot mode.  A lot of the things we do are repetitive in nature and we are no longer conscious of what we are doing.

When we are confronted with a problem, be it personal or professional, we see things based on our perspective.  We do not actually see the world as it is.  We see it based on who we are and that includes our filter from values, belief system, among others.

When a problem keeps happening and we are not changing our thinking process, the problem would recur.  Albert Einstein said it so well, “We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them."  More often than not we are not aware of our thinking patterns.  So how do we get out of our thinking rut, so to speak?  Is there a creative way to help us?

Here are some useful ways that you may want to consider:

1.     Discuss your pressing problem with a trusted friend.  One advantage of doing this is you will get a different perspective from a friend who is on the outside, looking in.

2.     Develop the habit of reflection at the end of each day.  Ask yourself what you did right and wrong.  From the experience, go further by thinking of what do you need to start doing?  What needs to be stopped?  What should be continued?  Write down your reflection in your journal.

3.     Use this question to lubricate your creative juices.  "What is a better way of addressing this issue or challenge?

If you have another technique or you want to share your experience, let me know.

What is your Ikigai?

 My best friend asked me, through SMS, what I am being busy about.  I told him that I am reviewing for my next training and I will be helping another trainer by giving feedback on how the training is conducted.

As I went on with my task, I got another SMS from him asking "don't you ever get bored at your job?"

In Japan the word  ikigai means your reason for getting out of bed. I remember seeing a commercial of Nescafe' using the concept of ikigai.  In that commercial the viewer is asked "what is your reason for getting out of bed?"

When looking at the concept of ikigai, it begs the question "what are you passionate about?"  In the book "How to Ikigai" by Tim Tamashiro, he posits four things to consider:

1.  Do what you love.

2.  Do what you're good at.

3.  Do what the world needs.

4.  Do what you can be rewarded for.

The first two questions will be related to one's interests, talents and skills. Tamashiro calls this half ikigai.  Full ikigai is connecting your interests, talents and skills to something bigger like how it will impact the world and eventually how you will be rewarded by it.

Finding your ikigai is soul-searching.  One needs to be alone in reflecting in reflecting on your purpose or mission.

It took me several months to write down my ikigai.  I love calling it My Personal Mission Statement.  Attending the workshop The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People  compelled me to examine my life and seriously consider what my purpose is.  I edited my draft a few times until it was recommended that I keep it to one sentence so I can easily memorize it.  Finally I cam up with "to facilitate the growth and development of people around me."  This is not limited to training employees but it will also encompass the growth of my friends and loved ones.

What is the difference between someone doing a sloppy job and an extraordinary job?  When people know their raison d' etre, the passion can be felt by anyone.  Because it flows from within it cannot be faked.  If you try to fake it, people will know even if you are a mile away.

Whatever is your job, do not let your job description define you. "You are not your job.  It is the person who makes the job," my previous boss used to remind us.

If you have not discovered your ikigai yet, ask yourself as your alarm clock sounds off, "What is my reason for getting up?  What is my purpose?"  Trust the process and it will come.  Or, like Steve Burns of Blue's Clues would do, he would sit on his Thinking Chair armed with his handy dandy notebook.

From TGIF to TGIE

 TGIF!  This is what I usually get on some instant messaging apps every Friday.  My usual response to my friends and colleagues is TGIE!  

When asked what TGIE is my reply is Thank God It's Everyday!

Why do we assign only a day to be happy and excited about in one week?  Should we not remain happy and excited all the days of the week?  This is something that we don't normally think about.  We simply accept the expression TGIF without putting effort to rethink or question it.

Did you know that we can make a conscious effort to decide our attitude as we wake up each day?  When I open my eyes each day, before I get up from bed, I tell myself "Today is a new day.  I woke up refreshed and renewed.  Today I will decide that I will be happy, no matter what and that today no one can ruin my day without my permission.  Today, I choose to make a difference."

We are creatures of habits.  We wake up and do things by default.  we are a product of conditioning or programming.  What we don;t realize is we can change the program because we are the programmer and not the program.  I think I heard this from The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey.

Ivan Pavlov, a Russian psychologist, introduced  the Classical Conditioning Theory.  In his experiment with dogs, Pavlov would ring a bell before feeding the dogs.  The dogs began to salivate in anticipation of the food.  After conditioning the dogs with the bell sound and the food, the dogs eventually would salivate when they hear the bell, with or without food provided.  It became a learned response based on stimuli.

Of course dogs, do not have awareness and imagination.  Human beings can rise above the program of responding right away to a stimulus because of our awareness and our ability to choose our response.  When there is a stimulus we can pause and choose how we will respond.

Let us say I said hi to someone on a busy street.  I did not get any reaction.  I can either respond in two ways.  One way is I will get hurt because I was snubbed.  The second way to respond could be, "he must not have heard me.  He is deep in thoughts."

When we become aware, we can choose our response.  Viktor Frankl, a Holocaust survivor, wrote in  Man's Search For Meaning, “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” 

What is the best way to respond?  When you respond on values or principles, then you can never go wrong.   Even if your decision is not going to be popular one can still have a restful sleep at night.

Proactive people choose their response.  They do not put the blame on others if they are not happy or were passed up for promotion.  One way of exercising your "proactivity" muscles is to anticipate situations that would trigger your hot button.  Think of responding based on your principles instead of being reactive.

Make a decision today and every day on how you will respond proactively.

Ethics, anyone?

In this time when moral decadence is rife, it is appropriate to talk about the issue on ethics.  Following this drift, I would recommend the book "The Power of Ethical Management" by Kenneth Blanchard and Norman Vincent Peale.

Lifted from the recommended book is an article "It's OK, Son, Everybody Does It" penned by Jack Griffin, which appeared in Chicago Sun Times:

When Johnny was 6 years old, he was with his father, when they were caught speeding.  HIs father handed the officer a twenty dollar bill with the driver's license.  "It's OK, son," his father said as they drove off.  "everybody does it."

When he was 8, he was present at a family council presided over by Uncle George, on the surest means to shave points off the income tax return.  "It's OK, kid," his uncle said.  "Everybody does it."

When he was 9, his mother took him to his first theater production.  The box office man could't find any seats until his mother discovered an extra $5 in her purse.  "It's OK, kid," she said, "Everybody does it."

When he was 12 , he broke his glasses on the way to school.  His Aunt Francine persuaded the insurance company that they had been stolen and they collected $75.  "It's OK, kid," she said.  "everybody does it."

When he was 15, he made right guard on the high school football team.  His coach showed him how to block and at the same time grab the opposing end by the shirt so teh official couldn't see it.  "It's OK, kid," the coach said.  "everybody does it."

When he was 16, he took his first summer job at the supermarket.  His assignment was to put the overripe strawberries in the bottom of the boxes and the good ones on top where they would show.  "It's OK, kid," the manager said.  "Everybody does it."

When he was 18, Johnny and a neighbor applied for a college scholarship.  Johnny was a marginal student.  His neighbor was in the upper 3 percent of his class, but he couldn't play right guard.  JOhnny got the scholarship.  "It's OK, son," his parents said.  "Everybody does it."

When he was 19, he was approached by an upperclassman who offered the test answers for $50.  "It's OK, kid" he said.  "everybody does it."

Johnny was caught and sent home in disgrace.  "How could you do this to your mother and me?" his father said.  "You never learned anything like this at home."  His aunt and uncle were also shocked.

If there's one thing the adult world can't stand, it's a kid who cheats.

How does one know that his or her decisions are ethically sound?  Ask yourself:

1. Is it fair?
2. Is it moral?
3. Is it legal?
4. If what I did is published and printed on the front page of the newspaper, how would I/family feel about it?

On customer service

I went to Dunkin’ Donuts to buy a cup of coffee. I asked the crew why there is a timer next to their coffee decanter. 

Crew: For our TA.
Me: What's TA?
Crew: Throw away (TA).
Rule #1 in Customer Service: Do not use jargon with your customers. 

The crew could have  said,  "we use a timer to check the holding time while ensuring that you only get the best quality of coffee." There was no attempt to proactively offer donuts by saying something like, “your coffee will be perfect with our donuts. ”

The supervisor is in her office and missed the opportunity to coach her direct report. It is important for leaders to observe their direct reports while working.  This will allow the supervisor or manager to praise or correct the crew.

Punishing a good behavior

One of my friends in the Book Club sent me a link from the National Post of Canada about a boy who defended a classmate who is being bullied at school. The title of the report is “No heroes allowed: Calgary student, 13, reprimanded for defending his classmate against a knife-wielding bully.” (http://news.nationalpost.com/2013/05/31/briar-maclean-reprimanded-for-stopping-a-knife-wielding-bully-at-school/)


The school principal summoned the student who stopped the bully and was told that the school does not condone heroics.

My jaw dropped from disbelief. A good behavior was just punished. How do you expect the right behavior to be replicated if it is being punished? This type of leadership incompetence is not limited to schools. – even corporate walls are not exempt from faulty decision and poor leadership.

Erroneous decisions will make or break your team. When you lead a team ask yourself “What good behaviors would I want to see in my department?” Make a conscious effort to write down the good behaviors you expect to see so you will be able to spot them easily as the behavior is manifested. Reinforce this good behavior by praising in public.

Catch your team members do the right things. Reward them on the spot if possible and explain how the behavior impacts the group.

When Looking is not Seeing

An illiterate father and his educated son went on camping.  After pitching the tent, they both went to sleep.  At the break of dawn, the father wakes up his son and asks “Look up to the sky.  What do you see?”

“I see millions of stars,” the son said.

“What does that tell you?” asked the father.

“Astronomically,” the son said with pride “it tells us that there are millions of planets.”

The father gave his son a smack and said “somebody stole our tent!”

Why did the son miss the obvious?  Can too much education blur the brain in looking for something beyond the ordinary?  In “Thinking Between The Lines”, K,R. Ravi cited several reasons why we miss the obvious, to wit:

• We think too much even when we do not know how to think
• We look but do not see
• Some of us are so full of ourselves that we have no time for other viewpoints, no time for even plain commonsense
• We are afraid to challenge our cherished opinions and beliefs
• We have ceased to look at the world through fresh eyes, with a sense of wonder

When confronted with an issue, do you have the proclivity to complicate matters with your theories and concepts which you have acquired from higher education or specialization?  If the answer is yes and you still get stuck, maybe you are missing the obvious.

Whether the concern is personal or work related, I always bring to mind what Albert Einstein said, “Everything should be made as simple as possible, but no simpler.”  If I am giving instruction to a custodian I hear “simplify, simplify, simplify” echo inside my head.  I make a conscious effort that if I can explain it to a kid and the kid understands me, then it is a clear instruction.

If I am proposing an idea, I use Edward De Bono’s “Six Thinking Hats” to make sure I look at the idea from different points of view.  Example: What is the advantage of the idea?  What’s the downside?  What information do I have?  What’s the opinion of others?  How can we make it better?  What’s the next step?

(This blogger is grateful to K.R. Ravi for the permission to cite from the book "Thinking Between The Lines." Mr. Ravi is South Asia's first Dr. Edward De Bono certified public trainer in Lateral Thinking.)

Leadership Quotes

There are a lot of leadership quotes in the internet and in literature.  I would like to share some of my personal favorite quotes.

"If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader." - John Quincy Adams

"The quality of the leader is reflected in the standards they set for themselves." - Ray Kroc

"Not all readers are leaders, but all effective leaders are readers." - Harry S. Truman (italics is mine)

"The first responsibility of a leader is to define reality.  The last is to say thank you.  In between, the leader is a servant." - Max DePree

"Before you are a leader, success is all about growing yourself.  When you become a leader, success is all about growing others." - Jack Welch

"We must become the change we wish to see in the world." - Mahatma Gandhi

"Where there is no vision, the people perish." - Proverbs 29:18

"People buy into the leader before they buy into the vision." - John Maxwell

"Live out your imagination, not your history." - Stephen R. Covey

"The attitude of the leader influences the attitude of the team." - Arnel H. Sugay

On Mentoring

The philosopher Socrates mentored his student Plato.  Aristotle was mentored by Plato.  Socrates, Plato and Aristotle: the three great minds in philosophy.

Great leaders develop leaders.  The only way to develop other leaders is to become a better leader yourself then, mentor others.  
Good leaders grow more leaders not followers.

Trivia: Did you know that Aristotle mentored Alexander the Great?

On Kaizen

People who want to learn and are serious in getting better always ask for feedback. This is true for athletes, students, workers and even leaders.
 If you want to stretch yourself, apply kaizen, a never-ending improvement. Small changes, if done regularly, would result to a big change.
 You can ask your boss “on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the highest and 1 the lowest, how would you rate me as a worker?” If your boss says, “6” ask “how do I make it to 10?” This is a way to level expectations between you and your boss.
Ask your child, “On a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the highest and 1 the lowest, how would you rate me as a parent? What do I need to do to score a perfect 10?’
If you are not a good worker or parent, expect to get hurt with what you will hear. Continue listening and commit yourself to change for the better. This practice of asking questions will be difficult for arrogant and insecure leaders.
 Listening and asking for feedback is a humbling experience. If you are not serious in changing and improving, do not ask for feedback. It will just be an exercise in futility.
Not all change will lead to improvement. But there will be no improvement without change.

"Feedback is the breakfast of champions." -Ken Blanchard & Spencer Johnson, "The One Minute Manager"

Living a balanced life

In one of my training sessions, I asked my participants if they keep a planner. About half of them said they do. When we talked about the contents of their planner I was not surprised to hear work-related agenda.

Shall we not also plan for our family and friends? How about our health and spirituality? Is your personal and professional growth in your planner?

Did you know that we spend more time planning our holiday than planning our own lives?

In Habit 7 (Sharpening the Saw) of Stephen Covey’s “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People”, he talked about the four dimensions of a balanced life: physical (exercise and nutrition), spiritual (value clarification, purpose), mental (reading, writing, visualizing) and social-emotional (relationship with others).

As the year draws to an end, let us strive to create balance in our goals by including the four dimensions in our agenda.

Recommended link: http://www.stephencovey.com/

Watch your language

I encountered the following in a learning session and I saw it again in one of the social-networking sites.


In one school, a teacher wrote the following in the chalkboard:

"A woman without her man is nothing" The teacher instructed the students to punctuate it correctly.

All of the male students wrote:

"A woman, without her man, is nothing."

All the female students in the class wrote:

"A woman: without her, man is nothing."

Did you notice how punctuation and perspective changes everything? This can happen at work or at home. Have you communicated with people using jargons? People tend to assume that "we speak and understand the same language" and that we have the same perspective.

When I was new in my job I did not know " 201 file." nor "SOP." One professor in college said, "this is very simple" but it was complicated for me.

To avoid confusion be clear when speaking to new employees or people coming from a different background or department. What you know, they don't know.

What if you're wrong?

During the 1950’s no athlete can run a mile in less than four minutes.  1954 marked a momentous event in sports when Roger Bannister ran a mile in 3:59.4 (source :Wikipedia).  When the world record was made there were athletes who broke Bannister’s time.  What was thought as physically impossible then, had been shattered.  It took one man to prove to the world that it can be done. 
When people think it is possible then it becomes do-able.
When someone makes a suggestion do you say “impossible” or do you look into the possibility of making it happen?
Before sneering at a suggestion, try asking yourself “what if I were wrong?”

“We must discard the idea that past routine, past way of doing things, are probably the best ways. On the contrary, we must assume that there is probably a better way to do almost everything.  We must stop assuming that a thing which has never been done before probably cannot be done at all.” –Donald M. Nelson

Leadership is a balancing act

Leaders need to cast a vision for their teams.  But before venturing into this, do some self-assessment first.  What is your relationship with your team mates?  Your team will never buy your vision if they don't like and trust you.

Character and relationship-building precedes the selling of a leader's vision.  Your followers will want to go along with you if they can get along with you.

A leader will never be effective if he will just focus on the task.   A leader must balance task and relationship.

Delivering bad news

How do you package bad news?  Is it true that it is not in the content of the message, but how you say it?  How about the timing of the delivery?  

Here is a slightly edited joke sent to me by a friend.

God called three individuals to announce His intentions toward the human race.  At the meeting were Barack Obama, Vladimir Putin and Bill Gates.  God announced that he was putting an end to the human race in 30 days and that each was to inform their respective constituents.

Vladimir Putin goes back to his countrymen and tells them, “I have some bad news and some terrible news.  The bad news is that our communist ideology was wrong.  The terrible news is God is putting an end to everything in 30 days.”

Barack Obama goes back to his followers and says, “I have some bad news and good news.  The good news is our religion is correct and there is a God.  The bad news is that God is putting an end to everything in 30 days.”

Bill Gates goes back to his followers and says, “I have good news and better news.  The good news is that I am one of the three most important humans on the planet according to God.  The better news is we don’t have to ship the next version of Windows.”

If you are managing a team or a department, how do you deliver bad news while minimizing push back especially when you are announcing some changes?

Leading is influencing

A young associate asked me one evening,"Why do you keep sending me leadership quotes via SMS when I am not a leader?"  This young man is neither a supervisor nor a manager.
The word leader is a misnomer.  You do not need a title to lead people.  As John Maxwell puts it, "Leadership is influence, nothing more and nothing less."
If you influence a parent, you influence a family; if you influence a child, you influence a life; if you influence an employee, you influence a company; if you influence a leader, your influence their followers.
In other words, anyone who influences is a leader.  Perhaps a good question to ask would be "as an influencer am I a good leader?

Leadership and Parenthood

From parenting, one can learn some leadership skills. I asked an effective parent who had raised outstanding children on the secrets about bringing up his kids. He said, "I am guided by three principles. One, you only teach by example.  Two, by example.  Three, by example."

On Complaining

One day in my life as a guest-lecturer for a  university, a young student approached me at the  end of our discussion.  "I don't like your teaching style," he said with a moue of dissatisfaction.  "I don't either," I said.  "Do you have any suggestions?"
You see, it is very easy to criticize.  But before you critique, do you have a suggestion to offer?  Take a proactive approach and highlight the benefits of your suggestion.

There are times in life when, instead of complaining, you do something about your complaints. -Rita Dove

Rewarding good behavior

Michael LeBeof describes the greatest management principle as: The things that get rewarded get done.

He goes on to describe 10 strategies for making this principle work:

1.   Reward solid solutions instead of quick fixes.

2.   Reward risk-taking instead of risk-avoiding.

3.   Reward applied creativity instead of mindless conformity.

4.   Reward decisive action instead of paralysis by analysis.

5.   Reward smart work instead of busy work.

6.   Reward simplification instead of needless complication.

7.   Reward quietly effective behavior instead of squeaking joints.

8.   Reward quality instead of fast work.

9.   Reward loyalty instead of turnover.

10.Reward working together instead of working against.

In my workshop I ask leaders to write down the good behaviors that they want to see among their team members.  These behaviors, once noticed, should be rewarded with praise.  Good behaviors can mean being punctual, offering help, and making suggestions, among other behaviors.

The idea is to catch your associates doing what is right and when they get appreciated or affirmed, they will repeat the good behavior.

On results and relationships

The mother asked her son, "Give me two good reasons why you should not go to school." The son answered, "One, all the students hate me. Two, all the teachers dislike me." The son asked his mom, "Give me two good reasons why I need to go to school." "One, you are 52 years old,"the mother replied. "Two, you are the Principal in the school."
 An effective leader focuses on two things: results and relationships.